Ways to Spice up Your Sex Life, Pt. 2

Having sex with your partner within the same four walls all the time can get a bit bland, regardless of how much you enjoy one another. Adding even a little variety can make a big difference by taking simple satisfaction to a thrilling indulgence of amorous adventure with your lover. Part 1 suggested ideas to use in the bedroom. Here are a few tips to broaden your sexy scope away from home.


Taking your love to a different locale may be just the thing needed to take you and your partner to the next level of lust. Keep in mind that the more public your public displays of affection are, the more careful and thoughtful you must be. When going really public, I recommend revisiting your earlier adolescent days of sexual exploration by engaging in good ol’ fashioned make-out sessions. In other words, keep safely on this side of second base. I do not advocate public penetrative sex and/or nudity for a very good reason. Having intercourse in front of unsuspecting strangers, even accidentally, is very likely illegal in your community. It’s true that the heartiest of exhibitionists quickly go limp at the thought of ending their date with what may well be an expensive call to their lawyer.

It’s all about location, location, location.

Get Steamy. You may have already lamentably discovered that sex in the shower can be much sexier in your fantasies than in real life. Ain’t nothin’ less sexy than slipping on the soap and bonking your partner in the … head. However, provided you take a few elementary precautions, you can take your sexy time from soggy to salacious. I suggest checking out the Sex in the Shower line of products for enjoying safer sex while gettin’ steamy with your sweetie. This is not a paid endorsement, I just really like the brand. Yeah.

Click the pic for great positioning products.

Get Out! You don’t have to take a full-on camping trip to Yellowstone for this wonder to work; no, simply moving your love-making outdorn (as we say in The South) is sufficient for spicing things up. Just pitch a tent –ahem- in your own backyard and let your imagination and libido do the rest. If you actually have a tent, a clandestine afternoon delight may be thrilling; just be sure to consider the nosier neighbors’ line of sight, not to mention local laws. Personally, I don’t do camping, but the spice and I have happily christened both the front and backyards ’round midnight. There’s much to be said for undressing under the stars. Oh yeah.

Sky rockets in flight.

Go for a Drive. There’s bound to be a local Lover’s Lane in your neck of the woods. If you don’t know where it is, just ask a teenager. Seriously. They’ve staked out the best places for a little back seat lovin’ and can surely point you and your fellow traveler in the right direction. Be patient and wait until after dark, but still put up the sun shade for added privacy. You don’t want your babysitter stumbling across your sexy sesh and snap-chatting the evidence of your escapade complete with caption: #RelationshipGoals to the entire world.

Take your true love for a ride.

Eat Out. A dimly lit restaurant with a reputation for romantic dining is the perfect place to broaden your palate as well as your foreplay techniques. Again, I don’t recommend a full-on love making session at (or under) the table, but a little furtive fondling and finger lovin’ is sure to whet the appetite and rev y’all up for dessert. Of course, taking your tryst to a crowded and popular restaurant may ensure fellow diners won’t hear any moans that escape your lover’s lips while your hands explore — and if they do, they’ll likely assume you’re enjoying the food. Wherever you decide to eat out, just be sure to tip well … I promise that your server knows exactly what you two are up to, so a little discretionary funding ensures, well, discretion. I feel compelled to add that I strongly discourage trying sex in a stall. Even if you opt for the men’s room, where you’re more likely to receive an “Atta’ boy!” than a visit from the manager, it’s one of those fantasies that is way sexier, and less odorous, in your head.

Delicious and daring.

Go for a Swim. Skinny dipping in a secluded lake or in even your own back yard gives the term water aerobics a whole new meaning. Don’t have a pool? Volunteer to house sit for friends who do. If you live in an area with nude beaches, and are feeling extra adventurous, go for it.

Come on in, the water’s fine.

A-List Your Evening. Spend the night out like the rich and famous — say, like famous Hollywood stars, popular celebrities, or a prominent power couple would. You may even want to toss in a little role-play for fun. Yes, a little planning and a lot of saving will be required for this grand adventure, but I speak from experience and promise it’s totally worth it. After dressing up like the stunning stars that your are, rent a limo or call for a fancy Uber or Lyft to pick up you and your sweetheart and deliver y’all (and your overnight bags) to the most luxurious hotel around that the two of you’ve wanted to staycation at. Choosing one that has fine dining and/or a swanky nightclub attached is a definite plus! Check with the concierge about getting reservations for two in the most private corner of the restaurant possible (remember, you’re hiding from the paparazzi) and maybe even a “pass” for visiting the nightclub for a tango or two before retiring to your room for the rest of your erotic evening. Remember to have strawberries and champagne delivered and waiting bedside. Now, enjoy!

This is how we do it … at least for one night.


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Ways to Spice up Your Sex Life, Pt. 1

Having sex with your partner within the same four walls all the time can get a bit bland, regardless of how much you enjoy one another. Adding even a little variety can make a big difference by taking simple satisfaction to a thrilling indulgence of amorous adventure with your lover. Here are a few tips to broaden your sexy scope.


Staying in for the evening doesn’t mean you and your partner have to eat take-out dinners while lounging in PJs in front of the boob tube. Unless, that’s what really floats your boat. If it isn’t, here are some ideas to get your more creative juices flowing.

Read Some Erotica Together. Read any good romantic (or racy) books lately? Share your favorite, most liberating parts — you know, the ones that are already dog-eared in that bedside paperback — with your lover. Under the pretense of “just for fun” you can open a dialogue about things you’d like to try with your sweetheart under the sheets. Does your fave novel happen to be a period piece? It may even lead to a little …

Once upon a midnight dreary…

Role Play. Ever wondered what it would be like to be rescued by a gallant knight in shining armor or escape into the arms of a hot and handsome fire chief? There’s no time like tonight to find out. Of course, you don’t have to dress up for a performance in the Globe Theatre just to play dress up. A few simple props are likely to be hidden in the crap-catcher drawer of your kitchen or study. Grab that wooden ruler and discipline your naughty student, Headmistress. Even a potato peeler lends itself to KP duty in the ship’s galley for bad behavior, Sailor. Of course, all you really need is a pair of boxers to go toe-toe with a professional boxer. That’s really what boxer-briefs are for after all, right?

How many rounds will you go tonight?

Strike a Pose. Speaking of role playing… how about being a professional model undressing for the sexy studmuffin behind the camera? Invite your partner to pull out their iPhone and snap a few racy pics to perk them up when they’re feeling down. Or, turn the camera on your partner and take a few to keep for yourself to browse during the wearisome wait in car line after school or on your lengthy commute home from the office. The shoot can be as innocent or as daring as the two of you agree on, providing privacy is not an issue.

Let him keep a little evidence of your love.

Clean up Together… in the Nude. If it has to be done, it might as well lead to a little loving, no? Nude housework keeps both sets of your clothes from getting dirty and saves time on doing laundry. It will also give you and your partner something exciting to look at while you’re dusting or doing dishes. Be sure to pay extra special attention to tidying up the jiggly bits when y’all are done. You may want to save the bedroom for last.

Soap suds are the only things you can wear.

Share Playtime with Toys. Y’know, the grown up kind that get your engine revved up and the sort that go buzz in the night. If you haven’t visited a toy store for grown ups in the past ten or fifteen years, or ever, I promise you it’s no longer the secret walk of shame your grandpa took back in the day. Gone are the dark, seedy, sticky back alley XXX sex shops of yesteryear. Since women have been moving to the forefront of the adult novelties industry, the assortment and varieties of pleasure products, as well as the venues they’re sold in, have changed — much for the better, mind you. There are so many options to choose from for both men and women now, it’s a good idea to do a little research or speak with someone knowledgeable to know what to shop for beforehand.

Shopping together for toys fosters intimacy.

Get Silly. Laughter, it is said, is great for your overall well-being as well as your sexy time together. Tonight, before lights out, why not try a little lighthearted play — or even friendly competition and see who wins? You might try to communicate with each other completely in Pig Latin (ememberray atthay?) and see who can do it the longest. Share the raciest, sexiest jokes you know. Watch a favorite romantic comedy together. Or, have a playful pillow fight to get the adrenaline rushing.

Pillow battle
Winner takes all.

Get Saucy. Licking a luscious line of chocolate sauce off and up your honey’s thighs or slurping a shot of tequila from between her breasts is really hot. Just be sure to use your better judgement and a light hand. Stick to the fleshier parts of your lover’s bod, because cleanin’ Cool Whip out of your hair isn’t quite as exciting as it sounds. Still, bringing refreshments into the bedroom can make for some good, if not completely clean, fun! How many ways can you seductively peel a banana? It’s worth a try, Girlfriend! And don’t worry, if your midnight snack acts as foreplay to sexy time in the tub, it’s okay to get a lil’ messy. Sheets, blankets, and whatnot are all safely washable.

Keep clean-up in mind.

Move Out of Your Comfort Zone. If there are any sexy ideas that you and your lover have considered playing with in the past, take action now and try them out. Consider yourselves dared. You don’t have to bring out the whips and the gimp, but head towards more daring action. Whether the two of you have teased about watching porn together¹ and acting it out or tryin’ a little bondage mixed with power play; as long as you’re both consenting and have a mutually agreed on safe word² in place, push those boundaries, you sexy couple you. Go for it! 

Spare the rod, spoil the sub.

Share a Sexy Wish List Sometimes it can be difficult to actually give voice to your more secret sensual desires, even when you’re decidedly good at communicating your, shall we say, less sexy wants and needs with your mate. Grocery lists come to mind and they’re pretty yawn-worthy. So, why not share a sexy wish list, one in which both partners list, or check off, the spicier things they’d like to try? You can find one online and print out two copies, one for each partner. Fill them out separately before you come back together to compare notes. If the thought of laying bare all of your racy thoughts is too nerve-wracking, you may want to try the interactive sex questionnaire at Mojo Upgrade. It only reveals the fantasies that both partners would agree on. I haven’t tried this one, but a fellow sex educator I greatly admire, Kait Scalisi recommends it.

What’s on your sexy wish list?

By no means, is this spicy advice exhaustive, but hopefully, it encourages you and yours to examine your more erotic natures. Be sure to continue reading about enjoying a little sensual refreshment outside the bedroom with Ways to Spice up Your Sex Life, Pt. 2… coming soon.

¹ This lass isn’t super keen on the adult entertainment industry as a whole. For every beauty or beau performer it liberates and indulges, it spits out hundreds of lost unhappy souls in its wake. Thankfully, taboos are falling, more women are gaining positions of power, and folks are becoming more educated, thus providing more ethical options for adult entertainment. Also, porn is not education. Porn is not realistic. Personally, I prefer reading erotica and educational books for lively ideas. You can watch my video on the subject here.

² A safe word is a word that you and your partner can say at any time to stop an undesired action.

Missionary to the Max

The missionary position seems to be the world’s go-to sexual position, so it must have something great goin’ for it, right? Yes, it does. It’s the perfect position for a lot of intimacy by offering the most skin-on-skin contact, long loving embraces, and the lovers can literally see eye-to-eye. That said, variety is also the spice of life. We may enjoy eating ice cream, but eating it day in and day out would eventually get a little boring. So, too, if we want to keep our romantic appetite alight. Adding a little variety to our sex life now and then can keep things from going stale. Sometimes, the missionary position gets a bad rap, especially in kinkier circles. I’m here to tell you that the missionary position, just because it’s common, does not have to be boring. Let’s see if we can maximize this old convention with a few simple moves.

FIRST A NOTE: Different people dub sex positions all sorts of names. And, if you’re brave enough to start googling different sex positions, please be aware that “guy’s” sites, “girl’s” sites, porn sites, sciencey sites, and the Kama Sutra will usually have different names for the same and similar positions. As Shakespeare once said, “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

missionary shutterstock_616737944
A fairly traditional missionary position.

Traditionally, the missionary position is considered the “male-superior position” because technically the man is on top as the giver and the woman, as the receiver, is on the bottom. Why? Because men typically, though not always, tend to have more upper-body strength and can often maintain this position with a close embrace longer. Excuse me, but “male” and “superior” sometimes just rubs me the wrong way. Teehee, rubs me the wrong way. No, but seriously, Folks. If you want to spice up the traditional missionary position, feel free try one or more of the following.

Adding Accessories

The easiest way to change things up with the missionary is to move your missionary to different sexy spots. Shake off the sheets and try the kitchen table, the sofa, or the stairs. You’re limited only by your imagination and physical abilities. Of course, if you prefer the bed, stay put and add accessories. One of the easiest and cheapest ways to spice things up is to move your bed’s pillows. What! Yes, it’s really that simple. Place a pillow under the small of your back. Push it down a little so that it’s under your butt. You may be surprised by the different sensations that are heightened with such small position changes. Be sure to throw a hand towel over the pillow; otherwise, be prepared to change the pillow cover. Just in case. You could even go all out and purchase a sex pillow (or “sex wedge”) for roughly $75-200 and explore the wonders of lots of different sex adventures. But, I digress…

You can also add pleasure aids — my personal métier. If you need a little extra clitoral stimulation, you may enjoy adding a small vibrator, like bullet, egg, or finger vibes, to really get things moving along. Try adding warming or cooling lubricants into the mix. Or, add a female arousal heightener. Hachacha! If you enjoy the missionary position with your legs lifted off the mattress, floor, or other sexy surface you’re playing on, but you have an achy lower back or experience difficulty holding the jack-knife position very long, you can also add thigh cuffs (not as scary as they sound or look, I promise) to help keep the pressure off of your lower back. Or again, try a sex pillow. Yes, I do adore my sex wedge.

Varying Your Missionary Position

Want him deeper? Lift up your legs and rest your ankles on his shoulders in what is sometimes called the “shoulder holder.” This allows for even deeper penetration and is especially helpful when you really enjoy feeling “fuller” or enjoy having your G-spot or even your cervix massaged, depending on where you are in your menstrual cycle. If this position is uncomfortable (i.e., if your man’s penis is sharply curved to the left or the right when it is erect), you may try shifting your hips to accommodate the curve.  If it feels uncomfortable because he feels “too deep,” you might like trying the a modified “butterfly” position, where only one ankle is resting on his shoulder and the crook of the other leg’s knee grasps his waist or simply rests on his leg or the bed/surface.

My personal fave for modifying the traditional missionary is the “pretzel.” To achieve this simple position, just lie on your left side as he straddles your left leg. You’ll then curl your right leg around his waist and voilà. You can also use your right leg as a hook to pull him in closer and deeper, iffin’ you’re of a mind to. If the thought of contorting sounds too much like sex gymnastics, it’s really super simple to start in the missionary position and then have both partners sort of “fall” sideways together so that you’re both lying down, still fully engaged, facing one another. You’ll get pretty much the same result, but then it’s called the “gift-wrapped” position — queue Shakespeare. Keep in mind though, that you’ll both need to be giving and receiving in this lazier [misnomer!] gift-wrapped missionary position.

missionary reversed shutterstock_566994799
Taking the reigns. The Female Superior style of Missionary Sex.

Of course, it’s really easy to completely reverse the missionary position, putting the woman on top, making the woman the giver and the man the receiver. This should not be mistaken for the “reverse missionary.”¹ The woman-on-top style of missionary (also called the “cowgirl”), actually has several advantages for both partners. Not only does it allow the lovers to maintain eye and lip contact and loving embraces, it also frees up the woman’s range of motion so that she can control the depth of penetration, speed of thrust, and the overall rhythm of the love dance. This can be especially helpful for the woman who needs to control her own orgasm. Plus, it makes room for the man’s hands to caress his lover’s breasts and to stimulate, via hands or vibes, her clitoris.  Oh, and gals, trust me on this one, your man truly loves your jiggly bits, so do not be afraid to hop on top.

Questions about spicing up your sex life? Interested in introducing marital aids and accessories to the bedroom? Be sure to contact me for some advanced sexual health and pleasure education. And, above all, enjoy!


¹ The “reverse missionary” is the sexual position wherein the giver is on the bottom and the receiver is on top.


This post was prompted by a friend in the Blogosphere, author Linda Hill, who is offering (“Just Jot It January”) daily writing prompts for fellow bloggers. Today’s word prompt is “movement.”