Ways to Spice up Your Sex Life, Pt. 2

Having sex with your partner within the same four walls all the time can get a bit bland, regardless of how much you enjoy one another. Adding even a little variety can make a big difference by taking simple satisfaction to a thrilling indulgence of amorous adventure with your lover. Part 1 suggested ideas to use in the bedroom. Here are a few tips to broaden your sexy scope away from home.


Taking your love to a different locale may be just the thing needed to take you and your partner to the next level of lust. Keep in mind that the more public your public displays of affection are, the more careful and thoughtful you must be. When going really public, I recommend revisiting your earlier adolescent days of sexual exploration by engaging in good ol’ fashioned make-out sessions. In other words, keep safely on this side of second base. I do not advocate public penetrative sex and/or nudity for a very good reason. Having intercourse in front of unsuspecting strangers, even accidentally, is very likely illegal in your community. It’s true that the heartiest of exhibitionists quickly go limp at the thought of ending their date with what may well be an expensive call to their lawyer.

It’s all about location, location, location.

Get Steamy. You may have already lamentably discovered that sex in the shower can be much sexier in your fantasies than in real life. Ain’t nothin’ less sexy than slipping on the soap and bonking your partner in the … head. However, provided you take a few elementary precautions, you can take your sexy time from soggy to salacious. I suggest checking out the Sex in the Shower line of products for enjoying safer sex while gettin’ steamy with your sweetie. This is not a paid endorsement, I just really like the brand. Yeah.

Click the pic for great positioning products.

Get Out! You don’t have to take a full-on camping trip to Yellowstone for this wonder to work; no, simply moving your love-making outdorn (as we say in The South) is sufficient for spicing things up. Just pitch a tent –ahem- in your own backyard and let your imagination and libido do the rest. If you actually have a tent, a clandestine afternoon delight may be thrilling; just be sure to consider the nosier neighbors’ line of sight, not to mention local laws. Personally, I don’t do camping, but the spice and I have happily christened both the front and backyards ’round midnight. There’s much to be said for undressing under the stars. Oh yeah.

Sky rockets in flight.

Go for a Drive. There’s bound to be a local Lover’s Lane in your neck of the woods. If you don’t know where it is, just ask a teenager. Seriously. They’ve staked out the best places for a little back seat lovin’ and can surely point you and your fellow traveler in the right direction. Be patient and wait until after dark, but still put up the sun shade for added privacy. You don’t want your babysitter stumbling across your sexy sesh and snap-chatting the evidence of your escapade complete with caption: #RelationshipGoals to the entire world.

Take your true love for a ride.

Eat Out. A dimly lit restaurant with a reputation for romantic dining is the perfect place to broaden your palate as well as your foreplay techniques. Again, I don’t recommend a full-on love making session at (or under) the table, but a little furtive fondling and finger lovin’ is sure to whet the appetite and rev y’all up for dessert. Of course, taking your tryst to a crowded and popular restaurant may ensure fellow diners won’t hear any moans that escape your lover’s lips while your hands explore — and if they do, they’ll likely assume you’re enjoying the food. Wherever you decide to eat out, just be sure to tip well … I promise that your server knows exactly what you two are up to, so a little discretionary funding ensures, well, discretion. I feel compelled to add that I strongly discourage trying sex in a stall. Even if you opt for the men’s room, where you’re more likely to receive an “Atta’ boy!” than a visit from the manager, it’s one of those fantasies that is way sexier, and less odorous, in your head.

Delicious and daring.

Go for a Swim. Skinny dipping in a secluded lake or in even your own back yard gives the term water aerobics a whole new meaning. Don’t have a pool? Volunteer to house sit for friends who do. If you live in an area with nude beaches, and are feeling extra adventurous, go for it.

Come on in, the water’s fine.

A-List Your Evening. Spend the night out like the rich and famous — say, like famous Hollywood stars, popular celebrities, or a prominent power couple would. You may even want to toss in a little role-play for fun. Yes, a little planning and a lot of saving will be required for this grand adventure, but I speak from experience and promise it’s totally worth it. After dressing up like the stunning stars that your are, rent a limo or call for a fancy Uber or Lyft to pick up you and your sweetheart and deliver y’all (and your overnight bags) to the most luxurious hotel around that the two of you’ve wanted to staycation at. Choosing one that has fine dining and/or a swanky nightclub attached is a definite plus! Check with the concierge about getting reservations for two in the most private corner of the restaurant possible (remember, you’re hiding from the paparazzi) and maybe even a “pass” for visiting the nightclub for a tango or two before retiring to your room for the rest of your erotic evening. Remember to have strawberries and champagne delivered and waiting bedside. Now, enjoy!

This is how we do it … at least for one night.


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Are You and Your Partner PDA Compatible?

Who doesn’t love a little public display of affection? Well, apparently a lot of people. And, according to some relationship experts, most people hold pretty strong preferences — whether they be for or against PDA. As a self-proclaimed touchy-feely kinda gal myself, it came as quite a shock to me when I first learned that some people really disliked being touched, especially in public.

Touching, hugging, cuddling, and kissing are all forms of PDA. While some cultures embrace these actions in public (Italy quickly comes to mind), others strongly shun these displays anywhere except behind closed doors. And, even though cultural norms tend to dictate overall comfort levels with PDA, recent research indicates that a person’s comfort level is strongly linked to the amount of displays of affection witnessed in their own childhood home. According to psychiatrist Dr. Chloe Carmichael, “In some families, it’s very normal to see. In others, it’s not… If you came from a family where your parents divorced and didn’t re-partner, PDA could be foreign to you.”¹

Keeping in mind that opposites tend to attract, it shouldn’t be surprising that someone with emotionally giving tendencies ends up partnering with someone who is more emotionally reserved. Such was the case with my own spice and me. Early in our relationship it caused friction. When he refused to hold my hand in public, I took it as a slight, a sign that he wasn’t committed to me and our relationship. He wasn’t.

The good news, for me anyway, is that PDA compatibility tends to change as relationships progress. In most healthy, growing relationships, even people who are normally averse to public displays of affection become more comfortable with small gestures — such as holding hands or the occasional kiss on the cheek. PDA was so important to me that I vividly recall the first time my spice (at the time still just my boyfriend) put his arm around my shoulder at a party. For me, it was akin to him announcing out loud to every person in that room that he was actually committed to me and our relationship. My later query confirmed that he was.

Of course, being the introvert of our relationship, he’s still not big on outwardly public displays of our love, but he is much more comfortable with more “private” PDA. For instance, at home is very affectionate — enough so that it causes our kidlens to roll their eyes and offer a mock-groan. But in public, I’ve learned not to take it personally if he just squeezes my hand in response to my offered kiss.

Regardless of your comfort level of PDA, it is a good idea to check in with your SO about their feelings toward the subject. Communicate your own level of comfort and be open to theirs. Of all of the components of a relationship, PDA seems extremely low on the deal breaker list. From puckering up, to hand holding, to even an occasional wink and a smile, there seems to be a lot of room for a congenial compromise.


¹”An Expert Explains Why You Either Love Or Hate PDA With Your SO” Sheena Sharma, Elite Daily

Further reading: “How Nailing your P.D.A. Style Can Make Your Relationship Better
Walker James Loetscher, The Date Report