What is Intimacy and Relationship Coaching?

sex and relationship news

What is Intimacy and Relationship Coaching?

Similar to life coaching, intimacy and relationship coaching is a process that aims to assist clients by helping them to work towards and achieve their personal and/or relationship goals. Unlike a general life coach who may assist their client with organizational skills or weight loss, a coach who focuses on intimacy and relationships typically specializes in the more intimate areas of familial relationships which could include passion, partnerships, and, yes, sex.

… passion, partnerships, and, yes, sex.

Why Would I Want to Work with an Intimacy and Relationship Coach?

A professional relationship coach is skilled in asking effective questions that can help their clients have a better understanding of their own relationship and/or sexual objectives.

Isn’t Intimacy and Relationship Coaching Really Just Therapy?

No. I would refer anyone who is dealing with serious repercussions from deep sexual trauma to seek counsel with a medical professional or licensed sex therapist.

Intimacy and relationship coaches are neither sexologists nor psychotherapists. Most coaching clients are healthy, successful people from all walks of life who are likely just a bit stuck or simply want to add new dimensions to their love lives or clarity in familial relationships and want the support of a coach to do so.

Therapy is analogous to a medical doctor trying to cure an “ailment” (from a pathological perspective), assuming the patient is in need of fixing (e.g., through psychotherapy or prescription drugs). On the other hand, my coaching assumes that clients are whole, resilient beings who are simply in need of informed, educational options and a supportive advocate.

Couldn’t I Just Talk to my Best Friend Instead of Hiring an Intimacy and Relationship Coach?

Of course, you can; but, best friends are seldom trained professionals in the same areas of intimate and/or sexual relationships as coaches. Rarely are best friends able to offer truly objective insights about your love and/or sex life. It isn’t unusual for friends to fear their honest opinions may hurt your feelings, or worse, jeopardize your friendship.  In a client-coach relationship, you as the client, are in charge. You set your own goals. You set the coaching session(s) agenda.  You make your own decisions. An authentic coach does not have any hidden agendas.

Help! Our Sex Life Sucks

Are You in Love, but your Sex Life Sucks? In this video, Micki shares why many people find their sex lives lacking even with the one they love — and what they can do about it.

Speaking of Independence: Balancing Connectivity and Autonomy for Healthy Relationships

Recently an adult sexual health peer and I were talking about our marriages and she commented on how impressed she was by the boundaries that my spice and I have set in our relationship while being able to maintain our connection as a married couple for the past twenty-five years. Not only was I was greatly humbled by her admiration, but with the coming of America’s celebration of independence from England, it reminded me just how important it is for partners in a marriage or committed long-term relationship to have enough mental and spiritual room to live as individuals in order to strengthen their bond and connection with their chosen companions.

Partners need to allow one another room for individual and independent growth in order to have successful relationships.

Becoming independent men and women with a strong sense of self is crucial to the mental well-being of all adults. Science has proven that evolution has hardwired humans for constant growth. In fact, all living creatures must be in a continuous state of growth; otherwise, they stagnate and eventually wither away.

We aren’t built to live comfortably under someone else’s control. It would be suffocating and unbearable. Everyone needs a break from time to time. 

A co-dependent relationship is built on insecurity and need; the logical conclusion of which is complete instability. When both partners are continually seeking the approval of or acceptance from the other, they are ultimately handing over their own God-given endowment of free will to their partner. The dilemma that leads to the dysfunction of this type of relationship is that both partners because they are so needy of the other resort to manipulation and emotional blackmail to control each other. Unable to function in a healthy manner on their own, they seek and often demand whether overtly or covertly, completion or wholeness by taking what they need from their lover. When both partners are constantly placing these sorts of requirements on each other, one or both companions will eventually have nothing left to give.

A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and genuine affection. When both partners are mature, capable adults they are able to choose to bring the best of themselves into the relationship for an engaged and meaningful connection. Rather than continually seeking that which they can take from their loved one, they are free to consider their own needs. Having their own needs fulfilled by their own merit encourages them to share with their chosen other sincerely and without pressure. Both partners are inspired towards self-fulfillment as well as towards mutual satisfaction.

The Freedom to Be “We”

So, how are two individuals who are adequately able to stand on their own two feet supposed to come together into the balance of a healthy partnership without losing that strong sense of self? How can we coordinate the seeming contradictions between healthy adult independence and a wholesome togetherness?

  1. Take full responsibility for yourself and your actions and expect your partner to do likewise.
  2. Allow your partner to form and maintain respectful, platonic friendships.
  3. Consent to giving one another time apart for separate hobbies/interests.
  4. Establish, respect, and maintain boundaries.
  5. Be honest and transparent with your chosen partner.
  6. Keep an open dialogue in order to foster mutual trust.
  7. Make informed crucial decisions together.

I find that there is something very gratifying in hearing from my spice that he doesn’t have to or need to be with me, but rather that he chooses every day to be with me. I love being his chosen.

Agree? Disagree? I’m eager to know your thoughts on the subject.

 

 

 

 

5 Ways to Be An ALLY to the LGBTQ Community

Wrapping up Pride Month shouldn’t be the end of our love and support for our friends and family in the Queer Community. Here are five simple habits that I’ve found to be effective and respectful ways to be a friend and ally.

  1. Know that all fellow human beings are worthy of dignity and respect. Wow, that’s an easy one, right?
  2. Don’t assume that everyone you know or meet is straight, cisgendered, or even binary. Instead of asking someone who presents themselves as masculine, “do you have a girlfriend/wife?” instead ask, “do you have a partner/are you in a relationship?” in order to let them feel comfortable filling in the blanks for you if they so choose.
  3. When meeting new people, be the first to share your “preferred pronouns.” For example, “Hi, my name is Micki. I prefer/my pronouns are she/her/hers.” This is a very simple but clear way to let your new acquaintance know that you aren’t making assumptions about their personal gender preferences.
  4. Don’t be afraid to let people know that anti-LGBTQ comments or jokes are not acceptable in your presence. Standing up for outliers, including the queer community, is always a good thing. My go-to line is, “Wow, that’s a really hurtful thing to say about another human being.” Most of the time, the offender actually apologizes.
  5. Never be afraid to ask, “What can I do to support you?”

Talking with Young People About Consent [video]

Join Micki and her daughter as they discuss the important topic of sexual consent. Consent is Clear (an enthusiastic “yes!”), Continuous (can be revoked or retracted at any time), Conscious (informed and sober), and Coercion-free (not “guilted” or manipulated).

The Merry Month of May…sturbation

Traditional May Celebrations

Traditionally, the month of May marks the return of springtime in the Northern Hemisphere. The first day of May, also known as May Day, is still celebrated in many parts of the globe. The ancient Celts called May Day “Beltane”—the day halfway between spring and summer as the time of fecundity and growth.

Because of its pagan origins, over the centuries, the May Day celebrations were actually banned. But they kept reappearing and, over time, the spring dances and festivals associated with it became more accepted. The revelries were adopted by other cultures with less sexual tones so that now, even religious persons anticipate the month for various reasons.

May as International Masturbation Month

The first National Masturbation Day was observed May 14, 1995, after a sex-positive retailer declared the day in honor of Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, who suggested that masturbation be added as part of the sex education curriculum in the United States. If only our young people were so fortunate! Anyhooo…. The prominent day was soon adopted by other Western countries and is now so popular a concept that May is celebrated as International Masturbation Month.

Fact vs Fiction about Masturbation

For the record, masturbation is totally natural — and yes, it is normal to masturbate, whether you’re sexually active in a relationship or not. There are tons of myths meant to scare you into thinking masturbation is wrong or bad. They’re actually scare-tactics left over from a bygone era. If you haven’t seen my video which dispels common masturbation myths, you may watch it here.

If you’re uncomfortable with the idea of masturbation, especially for religious reasons, you may find some helpful information here. If you’re unsure about finding your pleasure zones for masturbation, be sure to check out my article on Searching for Your Buried Pleasure here. Not only is masturbation completely natural, masturbation even has these potential health benefits:

  • releases sexual tension
  • relieves muscle tension
  • eases headaches
  • relieves menstrual cramps
  • reduces stress and anxiety
  • helps you sleep better
  • improves your self-esteem and body image
  • helps treat various sexual problems
  • strengthens the muscle tone in your pelvic floor (which supports your bladder, uterus, and anal area)

Masturbation, whether solo or with your partner (mutual masturbation), can also significantly improve your love life. It allows you to both be vulnerable with one another in a loving way, which always improves communication with a trusted loved one. Learning your pleasure points and those of your lover is also a terrific way to communicate intimately with your lover and help you both bring more pleasure to one another during lovemaking.

You Have a Right to Enjoy Your Body and Your Sexuality

Our bodies and our sexuality are both God-given gifts. May is a time to celebrate both fertility and growth; as you can imagine, this time of year is great for getting in touch with your body (literally), your sexuality, and your lover! If you’re having trouble in any of these areas, now may be the perfect time to reach out and schedule a session with me.

Enjoy the Merry Month of May!

 

 

Hairy Palms and Other Masturbation Myths [video]

 

Hairy palms, blindness, and several other common BS myths surrounding masturbation are dispelled in this short, affirming video. Thank you for watching!

Why Aren’t We Having Sex Now? How to Stop Fighting About Sexual Frequency (Guest Post by Sylvia Smith via When Women Inspire)

Intimacy issues in a relationship can be uncomfortable to talk about. Not having sex? Learn how to communicate about sexual frequency effectively from relationship expert Sylvia Smith.

via Why Aren’t We Having Sex Now? How to Stop Fighting About Sexual Frequency (Guest Post) — When Women Inspire

How to Help Your Children Become Responsible and Community-Focused — When Women Inspire

Caring for our neighbors is an especially important life lesson in an increasingly isolated world. Building relationships outside of our homes is an important life lesson to share with our wee ones. Check out Christy’s thoughtful and thought-provoking article over at When Women Inspire [link below photo].

 

As a parent, you likely want your kids to be an active part of the community and to enjoy their role in it. So, how can you make that happen?

via How to Help Your Children Become Responsible and Community-Focused — When Women Inspire

7 Pillars of Strong Relationships (video series, parts 4-6)

7 Pillars of Strong Relationships

Knowing the seven pillars of strong, healthy relationships is important knowledge for anyone who wants to build, nurture, and solidify their personal and interpersonal relationships. These crucial components must be practiced by each individual for both their partner as well as for themselves — because we are the one constant in every relationship we experience throughout our lifetime. Being committed to every component is a choice that must be made, sometimes on a daily basis, in order to enjoy a healthy, growing, strong relationship.

[W]e are the one constant in every relationship we experience throughout our lifetime.

Part Four covers the fifth pillar: TRUTH.

Part Five covers the sixth pillar: FAITH.

Part Six covers the seventh and final pillar: VISION.

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